Tuesday, December 31, 2013

It is finally the end of 2013

This year has zipped by fast and moved at the speed of a slothy turtlesnail (totally made up a slower than slow animal hybrid right there) at the same time. 

My year in review on BookFace reminded me of things that seemed so long ago.  So many memories that I could not believe were all this year.  I think because of the daily routine getting monotonous, it makes it easy to forget about the little bits in between that break it up. 

I am glad though to say goodbye to 2013. While a lot of great things happened, one thing that was dreary and loomed overhead was this divorce thing.  I spent the whole year waiting and going to court dates for absolutely no reason at all since I am still not divorced. Can you believe it?

Enough of that, let us now talk about New Years Resolutions.
My New Years Resolution for 2013 was that I was going to learn to grow things in my yard.  I failed at that big time because I didn't even try.  Well, I failed at gardening since I didn't try.  I did try to plant grass seed in my backyard and failed at that because apparently the earth is fertilized with satan's sweat.   Anyhow, I might try that again for 2014. My child will probably will enjoy it as well. 

One thing that I did work hard on in 2013 and will continue to do is to look for the positive in everything to outshine the negatives.  In years past I have not done this.  I have focused on the bad things that come up and dwell on them.  I let them take over and control my life. I don't want to be sad and angry so I put my foot down.  I will continue that for 2014.  

My resolutions for 2014 will be... 
Here is a drum roll if you need it.

  • Continue to look for the good things every day
  • Get back to eating healthier (while I looked at the good things, I still ate my feelings)
  • Attempt gardening (I can at least plant one plant)
  • Try to move around more (or exercise)

I think that should do it. Maybe. 

And now a video.  Drum that into your head.  


Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Sometimes Christmas Day sucks a little

I can see why holidays are depressing to people and why a great number of people hate them.
Queue up Oscar the Grouch singing "I Hate Christmas" - wait, let me do that for you.

The holidays were a little hard last year and I guess they will be from here on out.

Something that really sucks is NOT having your child home with you on Christmas.  I am not talking about when they get older and move out, I am talking about when they are four years old and they spend the holiday with the other parent.  This is where divorce REALLY sucks.  I know I need to look at the bright side, my child is alive and I will have him back.   Still IT IS HARD on Christmas morning to not let it bring me down. This is how Christmas gets depressing.

One thing that I did to compensate for my Christmas morning being childless was that I wrote Santa a letter and asked him if he could come early (my child loved this idea).  Santa came on the 23rd so that we could have two full days to play with all the toys and even left a note for my son thanking him for allowing him to visit us early.

This has been pretty fun, playing all day for two full days with Christmas toys...but the fun had to come to an end and I now I am left with an empty house on Christmas.  Well, not totally empty as there are TOYS EVERYWHERE!

I am not going to mess with that right now as Santa finally brought me the game of the year edition to one of my favorite games (Fallout 3) and now it is time for mimosas and survival in the capitol wasteland.

Before I go, let me share a handful of horrible Christmas songs that I found this morning and made me cringe and laugh.

NKOTB - Funky Funky Christmas

Twisted Sister - Oh Come All Ye Faithful

Ozzy and Jessica Simpson - Winter Wonderland

David Hasselhoff - The Christmas Song

Cyndi Lauper - Christmas Congo

There is also a version of the Macarena for Christmas but I will let you find that one yourself.

Happy Holidays! Now onto mimosas and video games!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Hot Wheels - not just for boys

Just a tiny post regarding toys.  

It is Christmas time.  Have you gotten a request from a boy or girl that wanted a toy that was traditionally for the opposite sex?  Why do we still have toys that look too boyish or and why are all girl toys pink? 

I had a request from my niece for Hot Wheels and tracks.  Not that I was expecting to find cutesy cars, but she is young and loves princess stuff.  Hot Wheels seemed so grown up and masculine.

So, with an idea from my best friend who put flower stickers on a remote control car for her niece - I DID THE SAME!  I had some old "nail art" stickers that were the perfect size to stick on those cars. 
They turned out pretty cute.  I love that orange one.  Malibu Barbie anyone?  She is going to love these!

Friday, December 13, 2013

a smidge of karma perhaps?

Those of you who know me or are familiar with my blog know that I have been going through a divorce which has now been going on for over a year.

I have been separated from my husband for 14 months and divorce has been pending for over 10 months. I am sure that I am not really supposed to discuss details of what happened and such since it is pending...but you can read how I announced it back here to give you a little idea.

I just want to do a tiny bitch about how this hasn't been fair. It isn't fair that this is still dragging on.  It isn't fair that I have two days this month that are completely screwed up where I have to deal with court stuff.  It also isn't fair that I am now being harassed by a weirdly jealous soon-to-be-ex-husband...STBEH? That is just too long and a stupid abbreviation. Maybe there is another name that could be used.
FOUND IT!.  Wasband.  Anyway, I mentioned weirdly jealous.  That is all I can come up with. My wasband is jealous.  See, he found out that I am dating.  While going through this divorce BS, I started seeing someone and now it is just eating up my wasband inside.

Last week started the flood of harassing texts.  Texts that were accusatory.  Texts that called me a liar. Texts that were utterly ridiculous considering all of the facts.  Tonight with him bringing back my child is when the snide comments started.  Snide comments in front of our four year old son.  This is unacceptable.  Unacceptable to act like a jealous child in front of your child and definitely unacceptable to act this way in MY house, my house that I don't even want my wasband in, but to show my child that I am a bigger person and can handle myself as an adult, I allow exchanges to take place in my home. 

I guess somehow the wasband is using this to justify himself in some way.  Somehow if he can turn the relationship that I started while in the divorce process into the reason for our divorce, then the wasband was never in the wrong. Or maybe I am supposed to grieve this marriage and be a lonely widow forever.

This whole experience just makes it seem that I never knew him and he never knew me.  In spite of being in a relationship since 2004 and being married since 2007, somehow we are strangers.

One thing that I have struggled with is that marriage meant something to me. It was knowing that you had that person by your side that planned on being by your side until the end, your team mate, your person that was there no matter what -but what happens when you find out everything you thought was just a lie? That for years you were the only one that thought they were a team.  It is a crazy feeling.  That feeling of thoughts and ideas crumbling around you. I bitched a bit about this back here.

So my struggle for a good part of 2013 was when is it okay to date? Is there a rule?  Technically I am still married and it seems like I will be well into 2014.  I will admit that in the beginning, it didn't seem right. Like I am the one that is doing something wrong. But after a lot of working things out in my mind, basically what I have come up with is that I deserve to be happy.  There is no reason why I need to be alone the rest of my life or become the crazy cat lady.

I know there is a grieving period for the death of the marriage and all the other steps.  My marriage had been over for quite some time in the eyes of my partner and once I had come upon that realization, I was awoken at once and did not grieve anymore on something that wasn't even real. It was a waste of time and that was over a year ago.  I was lucky in finding out so soon after the separation how he really felt about me and the marriage. That closure allowed me to move on and concentrate on being the best mother I could be to my child and making sure I did everything in my power to make sure that my child was surrounded by positive energy.

There are so many things to think about when you start dating someone and even more so when you think about how that person might feel about you still being in the divorce process, having a child that lives with you and how that would effect the child.  So much to deal with and believe me, I have thought out everything.

Still, me stressing out over starting a relationship after marriage probably isn't as stressful as all the sneaking involved in starting one during a marriage.

So is this new harassment from the wasband jealousy? Is this karma coming around in some way?  I really don't care.  I am happy.